After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
