the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
