chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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