My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
