I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
