My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
