I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
