Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
