I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
