I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
