my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
