My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
