Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
