you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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