you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
