Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pooping to opera.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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