Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
