Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
