I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
