oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
