I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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