Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
