I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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