drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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