4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
