they need to just BURY HIM!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
