What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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