I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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