did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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