I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
