Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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