He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
