At least make sure they are 18
Why
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
