I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
