But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
