my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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