Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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