It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
