He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
