Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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