My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
