I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
