I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
