That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
