I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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