I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
