I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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