if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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