Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
