i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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